I HATE MY WRITING

TRUTH BE TOLD

I’ve gotten some feedback from several users on my writing and where to go next. Some users I used to DM with all the time are silent. Some in the sub chat are nowhere to be found.

Truth be told?

I don’t like my writing. At all. I think it sucks. I also hate what I write about.

Who wants to read about horrible topics and experiences? What kind of illness does it take to write like this? Why would I keep writing it? When will it end?

I don’t know. I wish I did.

I’ve been told what I write doesn’t have happy endings. I’ve even tried to make them less unpleasant. I’ve tried to follow the flawed literary model we were taught.

Real life has no resolution. People just move on. Sometimes for the better, but in my case, not quite.

I’m struggling on where to go next. I can’t lie. I can’t write false hope and call myself honest.

The more I write about the worst I’ve seen, the more DMs I get from others like me. They aren’t so alone. I get follows, subs, and more from people I never spoke to. I then read them and get it.

Somehow, my awful life stories are reaching the people who need to see it.

I’ve been able to help people through DMs who seemed to never receive help before.

If I clean my posts into some kind of self-help buy what I sell program, those out there like me are still out there, and what happens to them?

Unheard. Unseen. Unknown.

So here’s what I’ll do.

I’ll try to find some happier times. I’ll try to write about some of those, too. I will not write about my daughter. Off limits.

I will write more happy travel stories. I’ll try to be poetic and less realistic, at times. I’ll throw in a euphemism every now and again.

But really? I’ll be more explicit in advisory statements in the beginning of each piece. That way, if you are not ready or able, you don’t need to read it.

Here is my promise to you:

I will write one of the closest, darkest parts of my life for tomorrow. If you can hang, then thank you. If you feel the need to unsub or block me, I get it. My feelings might be hurt, but I understand.

If you’re someone I’ve been talking to and feel the need to call it a day, I would be grateful if you DMed goodbye first, or if you left a comment that someone else could read for me after I get blocked. Look at any of my frequent commenters and ask them to send me a message. Know if I spoke to you more than three times, you mean something to me.

Really, I need to see who is here for something real, who is here to be promoted, and who is here for English lessons.

Tomorrow, I will write the first chapter on how I

fell in love with a prostitute.

Completely nonfiction, true story, autobiographical.

Every trigger, red flag, and warning you can think of? I hereby advise you NOT TO read it if you could be upset. There’s sex, body parts, drugs, profanity, horrible attitudes, misogyny, and pain. There’s also no redemption or hope.

I’m proud of VERY LITTLE from that time.

It’s called

Friend.

That’s who she was.

And for a person like me, a friend goes a long way.