28 Comments
User's avatar
Wendy Parker's avatar

You made it. He died the day he abused you. That doesn't make it better but perhaps you can take a modicum of solace in knowing that you survived. The animal who did it is dead to any world that matters. The onlookers are shells of human beings because they didn't intervene. There is regret that hangs heavy in their heart. I hope it hurts them every time they close their eyes to sleep. I cannot make this better but I can wish that all participants dies of bone cancer after a long, protracted illness of sheer agony.

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

Sorry! I'm just now seeing this. Thank you so much for your kind words.

Who knows what they think about or care about? I don't. I like how you say they're dead in any world that matters.

Such a boss comment by the way.

Thanks again.

Expand full comment
Becky Hayward's avatar

I'm catching up on your articles right now, so please excuse the multiple notifications. There’s nothing “locker room scuffle” about what happened. You named it here. And the naming is its own kind of power, even if it arrives decades too late and still shaking.

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

And thank you.

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

Yes. It is. I know now.

Expand full comment
Assemblywoman Debra Mazzarelli's avatar

I keep looking back to my first SA; I was a nine years old when he grabbed my ankles as I climbed up the hill…

Expand full comment
Assemblywoman Debra Mazzarelli's avatar

So sorry I replied so flippantly…not my nature. I am sorry that was rude.

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

You're good. I totally get it.

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

Oh no. That's terrible.

Expand full comment
Assemblywoman Debra Mazzarelli's avatar

That’s life…

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

You're not wrong.

Expand full comment
Brenda - A Voice that Wonders's avatar

What an awful experience. But you wrote with such clarity. Sharing this couldn’t have been easy. 😓

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

Believe it or not, I felt so much relief after I shared it. It might sound crazy, but it's like I got a monkey off my back.

Thanks for reading and feeling.

Expand full comment
Well That Ended Badly's avatar

Thank you for sharing this. Seriously. This shit never really goes away and at least for me finds new ways to wave and say remember me.

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

Yup.

I used to run from their waves.

Now I wave back and say, "I haven't forgotten, either."

Expand full comment
VedJournal ✍️📜's avatar

That's really bold move to confess your dark past, many less people have guts to even think of it. It can make you more depressed when we think about ragging or bullying.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing

Just highlighting this part

"contains sexual assault, physical and emotional humiliation, bullying, and reflections on trauma and abus"

I think they all are part of life. Once in a lifetime many experience it.

"I cried for God in Christian school and heard laughter."

"I’m not afraid anymore, I don’t think? But it won’t happen again as long as I’m breathing."

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

Thank you for sticking with it and saying that.

It's one day at a time trying to get my memories back that I blocked out.

I'm glad you got something from it.

I really appreciate your words.

Expand full comment
Una Rouquine's avatar

This was heartbreaking yet the writing was soft in a way that conveyed fiercely such deep and intense feelings

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

Parli italiano?

Expand full comment
Una Rouquine's avatar

No sadly I don’t

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

Sigh. I thought you did, and my response to you, in English, won't do justice.

I want to say thank you. You stuck around and stayed in it. Many can't or won't with that piece, and I get it.

It's a nightmare.

But your kind words brought a different kind of dream the next time I fall asleep. I'll remember heartbreaking and fierce.

That means the world to me.

Grazie a mille.

Expand full comment
Una Rouquine's avatar

Oh wow…I’m so profoundly touched by your words, truly💗 I hope you know you have a wonderful soul and your words have an impact, I hope one day and I mean soon, you can feel and write about a kind of peace and serenity that heals everything💌 I wish you all the best and I sincerely hope I can see more of you💗

Expand full comment
Hawtorn V. Rabot's avatar

Any of the below? This is how I tend to speak.

Español es emoción.

Français c’est la résistance.

Italiano è cultura.

English is bullshit.

Expand full comment
Una Rouquine's avatar

Vous pouvez me parler en français si ça vous chante

Expand full comment