Let's Hack the Substack Algorithm, Class

Today's lesson is work it.

Substack, you malicious malevolent magnetic mystery of multitudes murdering miraculous monologues,

Gueeeeeeeeess who?

It’s Mr. N.

Class, today I will teach you to hack Substack’s algorithms, and I’m doing it for free. I’m no gatekeeper. I see too many of you writing your heart out into nothing, and it reminds me of when I first joined Substack. It also reminds me of the last 20 years of my life. So vamanos, let’s learn how to make Substack work for you.

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Tricks

I. Titles

These titles are important. At the start, I had these amazing, artsy titles that belonged to a Bluey episode. Not much came. It was frustrating. I sold out and got blunt in my titles. “Suicide Attempt” replaced “Blanket.” “I Loved you in the Darkness” replaced “Man ‘o War.” “I Fell in Love with a Prostitute” replaced “Friend.” The other titles were better, but nobody cared.

II. Substack Tags

Before you paste, add your tags. They say five to nine is the right number for the algorithm to push them easily. Come up with any genres, styles used, ideas, symbols, and so on. For “I Fell in Love with a Prostitute Part 2,” here is what mine looks like.

III. Write for real

Knock off the fluff that never really exposes you or makes you uncomfortable. I’ve had people send me these, and I try so hard to get interested. I do my best to care. By the end, I’m grateful it’s over. The “how to” or lecture based? I hate it. I typically only promote to be nice, or if I just really like the person otherwise. I know some who write deep, layered stories and poems. The typical lazy reader doesn’t like that, but I do. For you, I suggest you throw in one piece that’s different and market it accordingly. Take what’s ambiguous and make it concrete. Make it sad, angry, or lonely. The feelings we can all relate to. At the very least, it will end up in my feed, and I will do everything I can for an honest writer. Some people have these ideas that fit a certain subgroup, but that’s it. If that’s you, then change up how you write, just once or twice.

IV. Write where it hurts

I get sick of the positive, fake posts. Give me your pain, and I’ll give you my attention. I lead with my pain. I do such a good job at it some people get worried about me. I’m actually doing well, and this outlet helps with that.

V. Make some allies

If you can’t break through, find a few others who can’t either. Each post, like, comment, and restack as soon as possible for each other. I did this with two or three in the beginning, and now we’re all doing pretty well after having no readers initially.

Now, I’ll show you the real hacks

A. Restack, restack, restack.

Don’t just restack though. Try to restack a specific quote, add a note of yours, and tag back the writer. Also leave a like and comment. Doing so gives them algorithm with your original like, comment, restack, and tag. Even better? They can then restack your restack and tag you back.

B. Time your postings.

The sooner someone likes, comments, restacks, and so on, the sooner the algorithm sends it to others. Imagine you post, I restack, someone else restacks my restack, and a few more times? That’s how you end up viral, trending, and in the leaderboard. Before you tell me that’s cheating, look at the leaderboard and see how often they’re re-re-re-re stacked and the timestamps. They know this already and have deals with others. It’s just the way the sausage is made.

C. Titles and images.

Keep them G to PG. Drop the real in the post. You might get categorized as 18 and over and lose reach.

D. Restack. Again.

Restack and tag people with a comment. They can comment back, tag others, and restack. This takes me to the almighty algo.

E. Tag.

The more people tagged, the more the system thinks there’s engagement, and the more likely it will be pushed. Tag, retag, tag others. Never spam, but get those who might actually like it.

F. Unpublish.

If a great post or note doesn’t do much, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong; in fact, it might mean something is right. You can unpublish it and republish it later. I did that with “The Curse of Leggings” or whatever I called it.

G. Images.

Notes just do better with images. IDK.

H. The Connect me prayer notes.

We all hate them. Why do we keep seeing them? The user knows the game. Enough people like, comment, and restack that the algorithm will keep on showing it. Forever.

I. Hit like and comment.

Every now again, a user with countless followers likes all my posts in minutes. Why? The answer is brilliance. Now, everything that user posts? It’s in my feed. More brilliant? They often do it before they post. Just a moment. I’ll do it now.

I just liked about 100 posts. If you were liked, don’t worry. I will go back and read. I was just proving a point when this pops right up. Also, look at how many of your subs and followers do the same thing.

J. Drop it in my Substack chat when I ask for them.

I will save and read it when I get the chance and promote if you play fair.

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Common Sense

1. Send, read, and respond to DMs. I don’t know why I need to say this, but if a reader doesn’t feel like they matter, they’re not sticking around.

2. If you just like pieces, then you can expect your pieces to be liked in return, but nothing more. I’m no longer leaving my blood, sweat, and tears in comments for some who turn their nose to me.

3. If you leave empty comments, you’ll get empty comments in return. I started writing nice as a comment the other day to those who treat my writing that way.

4. If you never restack, share, or tag others who do it for you, they might just stop. Relationships work two ways. I am reevaluating who I hype.

5. Just follow. If you just follow me, there’s no chance I’m subbing you. Equal opportunity here.

6. Actually follow. Some like, comment, and like some more, but they never follow. No DMs. Nothing. If you write about something I have no interest in, I have nothing to like. It’s like whatever.

7. Use your Activity, Replies, and Restacks to track what you’ve done. It keeps you from forgetting.

Common mistakes

a. Tell people to become paid subs.

I guess you do have to market it, but dropping a DM or comment is kind of aggressive. A general statement in a note or post should work.

b. Engage only publicly.

Some only respond to tags or comments, but never a DM. I see the game they play, and I’m not impressed. My DMs are always open, and you don’t have to “sub” or “pay” for it.

c. Leave copy and paste comments.

I’ve seen some who leave the same three comments to everyone. Tell me more about how you don’t read the piece but assume others will read you. I see people acting all awwwww when they get the same comment 70 others got. Okay. Sure.

d. Use of AI.

I immediately know when a comment is AI. I used to call it out. Now I give an empty reply back.

e. Write with AI

Nothing annoys me more than AI. It takes your voice, thoughts, and ideas and makes them boring. You sound like everyone else using AI. Really. I see these posts, yawn, sigh, try to stay tuned in, but I just want to hear what you think, not the silly words AI gave you (and everyone else). I saw a few users and their older posts, and some weren’t the best, but how I miss it to the AI filler I see now. At least the original had something real.

f. Use short, boring sentences.

This goes with AI, but when I see constant three to five word simple sentences, my eyes roll into the back of my head. I wonder when it will be over. I know how to read. Keep my attention another way.

g. Overused dashes.

I refuse to call them ems. I see them here or there? Okay. More than here or there? Okay. Constantly? Get me out.

h. Formatting.

Some people try to format it to be scrollable. AI does the same. It just makes me dizzy. I know how to scroll, man.

i. Images.

I’d be careful with images you don’t own. I see this often and laugh at the IP lawsuits pending if the user makes it big.

What I’ve done

I. I actually read and leave a great comment.

Go through nearly any comment I write. I would guess 95 percent of the time it looks like I really read, tried to understand, and tried to meet the writer where they were. The other 5 percent? I was on time constraints, the piece was not at all for me, or it was beyond what I understood. Ask countless readers. Look at my comments. I really do read, and people know it.

II. I really restack unselfishly

I want you to feel good and have readers who care. I want you to feel valued. I know how it felt most of my life. I also just don’t have many friends in real life since my most recent move.

III. I open up for people to send, drop, or DM pieces to HVR, THE English teacher.

I do take this seriously. I’ve got two non-native speakers who I’m working on short lessons on how to improve. I know people here have English class trauma, and I’m doing my part,

BUT

I’m dropping it back just a little.

I see people making a few moves with HVR, THE English Teacher that I don’t like.

1. They love my feedback, comments, promos, and restacks, but I get a like or basic comment. I’m not saying always 50/50, but I am saying I know my value. If I don’t feel valued, I’ll leave a basic like or generic comment.

2. Some users have thousands of followers and want my… blessing? Get outta here. This is for people who are unsure, insecure, and/or looking that they matter. If you have that many followers, then you should be promoting me. I need it. You don’t.

3. Use my promo to market paid subs. Not cool. Do paid subs if you want, but don’t do it off my legwork. I’m onto you, and paid sub people, if I really feel it and believe you’re in it for the right reasons, I might still hype you. I also might not. One user keeps popping into my comments with an intro and has 2.5k followers three weeks in with only paid subs. What do you need me for? You’re doing so well already.

4. This one grinds my gears the most. I see users use AI in their comments, and users who want me to promo them? They restack about how great the AI comment felt, and my response gets a like if I’m lucky. I’m not saying I need to be restacked, but I am saying you’re making AI more important than people. If you feel so good about pushing me to promo you, leave empty comments to me, and show soooo much love to others who don’t have an original idea? Next time, I know to give you a like, a generic “beautiful,” and move on.

5. Question my writing. So you’re happy to take my suggestions (and I’m sure you will here), but the come back and be unkind. Cool. Got it. If you want to be a certain kind of way, then please feel free, but don’t expect me to carry you to XYZ followers.

IV. I ask people who follow me to let me know if I’m not engaged or following back

The algorithm shows me what it will. If your pieces don’t show up, DM or tag me. I will then like and comment, and that will make it more likely to show up in the future. I have no issue with sub for sub. Support is support, and loneliness is loneliness. I want to support people without them feeling lonely. I really do read you if you read me. I care more about you than a topic.

V. I make these notes games now

I actually do care about you. I typically pick people without many subs to get them exposure, restack them, and DM some allies to restack them as well. I want the algo to carry you to an audience. I do benefit, yes, but I’m not always seeing others tag newer users or undersubbed writers.

VI. I’m not changing my writing

I’ve found so many people like me. They DM, comment, follow, or end up in my feeds without me realizing it. I’m on here to find the people like me. If you’ve been abused, rejected, addicted, hurt, assaulted, depressed, stuck, unloved, uncared for, undesired, kept locked away, made to believe you don’t matter, survived shit you don’t dare right and other such shit, wellllll, you’re my people, so algo, you beautiful bumbling obnoxious bastard, connect more of my people with me. I want to get you out of writing to nobody who listens and get you that audience, and I don’t put it behind a paywall. I just ask you don’t bag me later when you decide “I’m too dark.” Remember your friends.

VII. A Warning

If someone drops you a line and asks about other users and it’s weird, screenshot, block, and report that user. There are some bad people on here, and I do, unfortunately, know already. If someone drops you lines asking about me, I’m grateful if you screenshot it and let me know. Some people are looking for the leaks from the whistles I’ve blown, and I think I’ve got more coming.

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If I find someone took my hacks and put them behind a paywall, you better believe I’m calling my IPO lawyer, and yes, I have a team of IPO lawyers on standby. That is not a bluff. I really do know a team of them.

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Nothing is expected from you. I will feel the same way about you either way, but I would really be grateful if you could buy my book, post on the socials about my book, tell your friends, Romans, and countrymen about my book. I can’t get it off the ground alone. The next books I have might shake the ground on which we stand, but this first one is what I need to market them.

Also, you’re never anticipated to do a thing, but if you feel the need to throw a little daycare payment my way for showing how the sausage is made, I’d be grateful. If you used me to get paid subs, then I’m expecting it.

Further, quit asking me to buy you coffee or become a paid sub. I will if I want, and I don’t think I will or want.

I could see that possibly happening with three to five users on here, and they wouldn’t even have to ask. If Cisernos, Salinger, McCourt, Adichie, or X (RIP to three of you) dropped onto Substack, I would think twice about them as well. I don’t part with money easily.

But HVR, aren’t you doing the same thing? Isn’t something in it for you?

Yes and no. This post is meant for those stuck, struggling, or getting started. It’s also public knowledge. For the coffee part? It’s a chance for people to make it right without making it weird.

If you wonder if you’ve burned a bridge or made me feel less than, the answer is likely yes (if you have to wonder). No need to make it weird. Either change your actions, or quit asking for shit from me.

If you want to call me a hypocrite for not practicing what I preach, feel free. A comment or DM will mean you’ll show up in my feed more. I am behind on my reading. It was a rough week at school. See the images. Be good to teachers. Be better to students.

I don’t see myself ever having paid subs. I’ll keep it free to reach MY PEOPLE. In the meantime, sharing info about my book? It’s free. Buying my book? I’ll never forget that.

I have to clean a bunch, but I’ll be back later to make sure I read others who dropped me pieces or who wanted language help.

Be sure to like, comment, and sub me if you want me to promo you.

-HVR, THE English Teacher, out.

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